Buddhism is Being Your Best Self

I want to offer a new explanation of what Buddhism is, without all the baggage that comes with the word. This is not to deny any idea or aspect that exists within Buddhism, but rather to talk about what I have discovered and what is realistically attainable with a bit of effort. I will call this best self practice.

First, think of a time when you were your worst self. Maybe a time when you hurt someone, stole something, did something horrid, or embarrassed yourself in front of others by acting stupid or careless. There is probably some situation that comes to mind quickly. How did you feel? What qualities of yours were expressed in that moment? How did the people around you feel as a result of your behavior? How did they feel about you?

Now think of a time in your life when you were your best self. A time when you felt like the best version of who you could be. How did you feel then? What qualities were expressed? How did the people around you feel in your presence? How did they feel about you?

Which one of those is really you? Are you the worst version of yourself, or the best version of yourself? Are you the same person you were at ten, sixteen, or twenty five?

Buddhism is often known for the idea that the self does not truly exist. This teaching is massively misunderstood. What it really means is that the person you think you are is not something fixed or solid. We cling to an idea of ourselves. Our strengths, our limitations, our moods, what we believe we can achieve, what we think we are capable of each day. We define ourselves that way and then hold on to that definition.

After many years of living, we accumulate experiences. Negative events, positive events, successes, failures, interactions with other people. All of this forms a kind of construct. We call it “I.” An I with a personality, with preferences, with habits, and with rules we use to define ourselves. Most of these things were never consciously chosen. We did not sit down and decide to become a partially introverted person who is afraid of strange looking food and struggles with commitment in relationships. We did not choose to have trouble dealing with certain types of people or certain kinds of situations. These patterns formed over time. We convinced ourselves that this is who we are, and so it feels real. But it is not something fixed or essential.

Best self practice is an exploration of how the mind works and a gentle reorientation of certain aspects of it that ultimately leads to self flourishing. When we remember a moment of being our best self, we are pointing in the direction this practice leads. The Tibetan word for Buddha, Sangye, is sometimes translated as purified flourishing. What is being purified is the false and limiting ideas we have stacked onto the idea of ourselves. When those false and limiting ideas are cleared away, our best self that has been with us all along flourishes.

We spend our whole lives chasing after something. Yet every time we seem to get closer to it, it fails to hit the mark. I propose that, in a very practical way, best self practice can lead to the fulfillment of that wish. That thing we have been chasing. Something we may have touched at certain moments in our lives. When we find our best self, we discover a greatness, a happiness, a fulfillment all within us. The cliche of finding happiness within finally becomes an actual real thing, not just some words repeated over and over.

So how does best self practice propose we find this thing? Let us once again throw out all our preconceived ideas about Buddhism. The basic idea is that by breaking down the barriers we hide behind, we begin to find what we are looking for.

What are those barriers? We all live inside a psychological shield, built out of fear. A shield that protects us from ideas we do not like. A shield that protects us from people we do not like. A shield that allows us to “be ourselves.” But that self is often a shriveled and weakened version of what we really are deep down.

It is like someone who has been bedridden for most of his life and now needs an electric wheelchair because his muscles have no strength. Think of how many experiences such a person misses. In the same way, our life experiences, trauma, social pressures, ego, and even the normal way we grow up have put us into a kind of wheelchair. We move through the world, but only partially aware of our limitations. We try to participate in the experiences of healthier people. We may get a small taste of it. But until we do the work of rebuilding those inner muscles, we never fully experience life.

With the best self practice, you are training yourself to become healthy again. To flourish as a person. To come out of the cave where you have been hiding from all the scary things in the world. You begin to realize that not only can you handle those things, you can actually enjoy engaging with them. There is a sense of freedom in this. A freedom to be your best self. A feeling of relief from all the pressures that once crushed you. A sense that you have finally found what you were looking for. It feels like openness, warmth, and connection with the world.

This is what best self practice is about. It is not magic. It is not the supernatural. It is not religion in the way most people imagine it. It is a set of techniques and practices that bring you to this state. It is not something far away, and it does not require extreme effort, though it is not always easy.

If you have ever seen an abused dog that tries to bite any hand that comes near it, even when the hand brings food, you have seen something similar. All of us are like that to some degree. It takes time and effort to help that dog trust again. To trust the hand. To accept the food.

Is best self practice a form of therapy? In some ways it is. The first step is often dealing with the big and obvious psychological problems. Once those major barriers are reduced, more subtle meditation practices can clear away the smaller ones. This takes time, but with regular practice, those smaller obstacles begin to dissolve. More and more of the best self begins to show itself naturally.

Do you have to worship the Buddha, become a monk, or restrict parts of your life like sex, drugs, or other pleasures? No. As I said from the beginning, we are setting aside those assumptions about Buddhism. At some point you may choose to stop doing things that pull you away from your best self. But it would usually be unhelpful to suddenly impose strict rules on yourself, beyond not harming others. Don't even be nice, or nicer than normal to people. Just wait for it to come naturally, which it will.

So what is the actual practice?

It is resting in awakened awareness.

What is that?

It is a state of consciousness in which the average and worst versions of yourself fall away and the best qualities naturally shine through.

How do you train in it?

First, develop a stable shamatha or one pointed concentration practice.
Second, move into open awareness meditation.
Third, practice recognizing that this awareness is unmoving, that within this awareness there is no average self, and that thoughts and concepts appear within it but are not the same as it.
Finally, receive a direct introduction to awakened awareness from a qualified teacher.

That is the essence of best self practice. It weakens the grasp our average self has and allows our best self to shine through.